The · Journal · of · Elizabeth · Long

I am letting my daughter go away to a camp with a girl who called me as much as disgusting for loving Emma. When that seems preferable to here, that's a problem.

And it still hurts that Zoe wants to go with that girl, but I'm 41. I can look past hurt feelings. Zoe is hurting far worse.

Edit: Fuck it. Hi. I'm sick of saying these things to myself. Be my wife. Bring me chocolate.

Johan came home complaining about running into two of the Drescher brothers, and then Peter rang me to tell me Miles was at the Kensington's and he was arguing with Sabine who was priggish and true to form.

...It's been a very Kempfy day. Stupid German family. Dietrich, Devon, you're steering clear of them, right?

I told you that real relationships can't be built on lust.

A seventeen-year-old girl, or around there anyway, weighs in on my relationship when she knows nothing about it save for the fact that it was with a woman. She has no life experience to make these assumptions. She's just weighing in because she feels like she knows everything.

I have never had an actual relationship built on lust. Yes, I slept around in high school to piss my father off. But there, again, is the wisdom of a seventeen-year-old girl, rearing it's ugly head.

Why, knowing all of that, do I still feel like utter bollocks.

Not to mention Peter talking behind my back, which I know he did. Tonight has been horrible. No more fighting it makes me quite ill.

My honeymoon was cut short because some sadistic bastard hurt my daughters.

I have never felt quite so willing to rip someone limb from limb before in my life. Woe be to anyone to touches my girls.

I'm home now. Zoe's worried and Fiona's not talking and Hope's coughing and I'm terrified she's going to catch pneumonia so we're monitoring her carefully.

How could someone hurt them?!

I've been cleaning out some of the boxes in the attic because some of them have been up there since probably the turn of the century. And I don't mean 1999 to 2000, I mean 1899 to 1900. I found one full of Peter's childhood drawings and books and papers and, besides making me cry, it made me happy. Because he is alright, and alive.

And damn hilarious.

Tell me, Father Peter. Is it actually encouraged by the church to ask God for things like this?

You are, as ever, priceless, Little Brother. I have loved spending my life with you.

And, as children bring about a wonderful feeling of joy, Emma and I want to adopt again.

Peter let Cardinal Sin jump up on the bed and then Sinny licked his face and Peter just laughed.

Can everyone see why that's weird?! Has my little brother lost his mind again!?

I've been watching Peter and his darling Aly since we arrived in Spain, and it's quite the sight to see. They're so wonderful together. And adorable too. It's just good to see the simple joy of two people so right for each other. And of course, the way they seem to make the most naughty things seem completely innocent. I love seeing the pure happiness of them now that they can finally be together again. They're acting like teenagers and they keep slipping away and winking and they come back with flushed cheeks, acting nonchalant. As if no one will know what they've been up to. It's exactly what I've always wanted for my little brother.

I've been thinking about things in my own relationship for awhile. How is seems like it's back on track, after what happened in December. I watch Aly and Peter together, and I see how they just click. And I feel I'm there again with Emma. We have been for a while, but we haven't drawn attention to it, lest it bite us in our arses. There's something about this place though. It seems to bring out people's happiness. Emma looks so relaxed. She doesn't look like she's walking on eggshells and trying so hard to say the right things. She looks like she's absolutely and completely comfortable again, and that's how I want her to feel. So tonight I am going to ask her to marry me.

Took Tasha car shopping this afternoon! It was quite fun. And I believe I drooled all over several cars and Hope had to tell me to stop being embarassing. Silly me! But Tasha was quite pleased with what she ended up with and now she just needs to finish her driving lessons and the car's all hers. Which, of course, means that Fiona and Emma had to drive her car back to Peter's. I took Tasha and Hope to the Spencer's for the meeting of Tasha's new quartet.

Check me out I'm a soccer mum! Only...with cars and quartets. Which just means I'm cooler.

Right?

Cheer me up, I just remembered I'm 40.

Peter has been very busy buying himself hospitals and the like. Which is important, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't need a car, which he's been neglecting to do since he gave the jag to Tamm. So I bought him one.

This one in fact.

He's James Bond.

By the way, Little Brother, I've never been prouder of you. I love you. And if you want someone to put on a business suit and sit beside you in those meetings, I'm with you. I have committee experience, afterall.

Father hit me once. I was defending Peter because he wanted to send him away to boarding school to 'toughen him up' and I didn't want Peter to go. Didn't want to see Peter change. I liked who he was. I still do, by the way! But father hit me. Of course, I did call him a 'cocksucking arsechief'. So...there might have been provocation there.

Klaus Kemp and I did not get along. He's the reason I rebelled and instead of being a proper lady, I slept with anything that moved. When he spoke to me in German I refused to answer back, and when he sent in my application to law school for me, I went to art school instead.

I don't know what he would think of me now, but I don't care either. I have a wonderful girlfriend and family and that's all I need.