Friends

I've been thinking, Spectre. And I'm naked so I can't come find you... It was naked thinking. Don't judge, it's hot for January here.

I want Mara to go to counselling when we get back to London on the 4th. Not...necessarily exactly on the 4th, but you know what I mean. She'll need it. I was also thinking...maybe it might be a good idea to have Deirdre speak with her? Unfortunately among the people Mara knows, there are far too many people who can understand what she's gone through because they have gone through a similar thing. Deirdre... She went through almost the exact same thing. And while I am loathe to cause Deirdre any harm, I hope this wouldn't do so...she is very, very good at taking care of others. Now that Mara knows exactly what happened because of what that monster did to her, she's going to have questions. And I can't...

I'm fucking barren, Spectre. I can't have children, and my daughter ended up pregnant after being violated. She's going to need someone who understands that. And poor Deirdre does.

What do you think?

I'm going to get married*

Mal came home from Spain and he was all grinning and silly and happy and he said he wanted to do it soon and so we will! This doesn't mean we have a plan yet. Or, you know...any idea of when we will have one. But we have happiness. Please share it with us!

This is just...the best way to start a year, ever. And love is wonderful. And I'm so lucky.

* Or whatever!

Ohhhhh my goddddddd I ate too much food and I'm dying. It's so strange! There's always food everywhere all over the place here and I can't not eat it if it's there because...instincts... And I don't think I will move now for hours. Ohhhhhh ohhhhh no.

I may require new trousers...

Happy New Year, I've eaten myself into a near-coma!

It's through no shortcoming of my husband (because believe me, he does not have ANY of those) but I rather miss being able to be with my wife in a corporeal fashion. Women bits are nice if you're in to that sort of thing. Thankfully, because I don't believe the bits are the be all and end of of anything, I'll get to be with her soon either way. Please don't take her away from me right away? I mean if you have to, you have to. But I want me some Mary time. We seem to have the amazing ability of missing each other. I just miss my wife.

But Happy New Year's Eve! I'm still in Spain, though I don't think I'll make it much longer. Few more hours maybe. Wanted to tell everyone to have a fantastic start to the new year and I'll see you soon.

( And I wanted to show you this )

It's amazingly relaxing here. I hope all of you are able to do some relaxing too.

Hey, baby. First of all YAY MARA! Second of all YAY Quinn and Flynn! And third of all, I told you I talked to your father over LJ yesterday. I went on for ages about how wonderful you are because he wanted to know more about you? Apparently what I said had an effect on him. He wrote me this today.

I was up all night thinking about what you said, Thomas. I can see your point of view. I think, however, that you are operating with information I don't have.

You once proposed that you show me this...place you call the Beyond. I need to know for sure. To see it for myself. If I am going to know for sure that your homosexuality does not condemn you to hell, I need to see the proof.

If I see that...I think I can accept your relationship. I trust now that you would not be using Adrian's powers to fool me. You reached out to me and you would not have gone through all of this if it was as easy as creating an illusion. I am ready when you are.

We haven't had time to do it before because I was here and then there was touring and then I was here again. I'll be gone in a few days, which is for the best, because I'm getting a bit sore. When I'm gone, it would probably be the right time to bring him to the Beyond. I'll be there, and he can see being gay doesn't send you to Hell. Just make sure Mums or someone is there with your body as well, like we said, though I worry much less about him hurting you these days. It just can't hurt to have someone else he trusts there.

Unless you're not ready for this? If you're not, it's perfectly okay, Babe. Rushing into things never works out.

Also, have I mentioned how attractive your tight little body is when you wear your swimmers? Because yowza.

I was up all night thinking about what you said, Thomas. I can see your point of view. I think, however, that you are operating with information I don't have.

You once proposed that you show me this...place you call the Beyond. I need to know for sure. To see it for myself. If I am going to know for sure that your homosexuality does not condemn you to hell, I need to see the proof.

If I see that...I think I can accept your relationship. I trust now that you would not be using Adrian's powers to fool me. You reached out to me and you would not have gone through all of this if it was as easy as creating an illusion. I am ready when you are.

im in SPAIN and daddy and I made princes cookies whitch we died pink and then thomas ate like 12 of them becose hes a pig! then i went in the ocean with james ad thomas and that was fun. i like it hwere in SPAIn. tomoro mum said we might go see the town which is VALENCIA i had aunt aly help me spell that. i think that will be fun!

I need help.

I want to know whether I should marry Quinn now, or wait a while. His father asked me at Christmas. His real father... It sounds like he is finally okay with it, which sort of says to me it can be time. Quinny also pointed out that now or in a few years is okay with him.

I can't decide. If we're going to do it anyway, why not do it now? But if we're going to do it anyway, why not do it later? I literally cannot think beyond that... Help me! He knows I was going to talk to you, by the way. You can talk to him about it too, it's totally okay.

I don't know if you read what Amaris wrote, but I need you to know it's not your fault. She's probably just justifying any action she may take in the future. Had we taken her off there without her escaping, I highly doubt she would have thanked us, as she would have been a prisoner in the hospital.

Please don't let her get to you?

I saw you all there with your weapons, coming to free the hostages those arseholes took. I should have known you weren't there to rescue me. Thanks for taking a pot shot at my arse the second after I escaped unspeakable torment.

I thought you were supposed to be the good guys, what the fuck is wrong with you!? Had you taken me off that fucking cross I would have been so grateful I never would have touched any of you again. At least this means I don't owe you shit.

Hey, Samson. We got to Spain safely and everyone here is doing really well. Spectre mentioned you were feeling a little isolated, so I wanted to drop a note and see how you were.

I also wanted to apologise. When Abby and Spectre didn't want to tell you about what happened to Mara, I agreed. And I'm very sorry for that. I'm sorry for not taking into account the fact that you've sworn to change. I saw my husband and my little sister panicking and I fell right in line. And I just wanted you to know I'm sorry for that.

So... How do you all feel about Spain? Peter and his brood are heading off tomorrow and Peter just called me to ask if we want to come too. For Mara. I've been watching her since coming home and she doesn't look pleased to be here, and I'm worried. I think maybe some time away might be a good idea, but it's up to you all of course. I don't think I'll be around much longer, but I might make it a few days...

In Valencia, Mara would have Anna and I already asked Flynn if he would come and he said he would. He made sure he could leave the shelter for a few days. There would be a lot of people she didn't know, but the hacienda in Valencia has this little guest house out the back, and that's usually where the kids stay. With supervision, of course and we could make sure it was someone she knew. And Peter said Mara and Anna could have their own room so they could talk.

Also, since this was his idea, he says he's paying for it. And he made the don't argue voice, and you can't argue with that. Especially when he spent all day as a hostage, because he's already all fired up.

What do you think? I know it's ultimately up to her, but do you think it's a good idea to ask? And if she said yes, could you go? I want to bring James, but since I'll probably disappear in the middle of it all, I would need someone else there to...you know...bring him back.

You really should see the place. And feel it. It's a place of so much love. I can't get over it.

Dragonetti is in my hospital. Behind so many locked doors, he'll never escape. He held my family hostage and I have a dreadful feeling he meant to do quite a lot of damage. They found explosives on him at the hospital. And I'm not entirely sure what an explosion might do to an immortal body. I know what it would have done to Caleb and Hope though...

I'm just so relieved Tasha wasn't home. He was waiting for her. He said her name backwards was 'Ah, Satan'. I really do wonder where these people come up with this stuff.

We didn't get Amaris, but we got Dragonetti. That's not nothing.

And we're at Liz's tonight and then Spain tomorrow. Home just doesn't feel so wonderful right now.

I hope I catch you before you come down here, Spectre.

Apparently my coworkers think my daughter's personal business is something they can discuss amongst themselves in the staff room. Unfortunately not only Mara heard, but Samson heard. Samson knows she was raped and they both know she was pregnant and had an abortion. Your fucking father hit me and Mara threw a fit so immense, Katia had to sedate her.

There's one thing that came out of this, though. Samson wasn't punishing her, he was protecting her. From me even. Katia said when she started screaming he caught her and tried to help her calm down. Apparently he doesn't blame her after all, though I can't say the same about us...

Hello.

We'll be back in London in a few hours. I'm in an airport, watching Saul and Ryn wheedle their dealios with the thing and playing with my stupid, inexplicable iPhone. I don't so much do this...covert, underhandy stuff. Or technology. I bet someone else will have to post this for me.

Anyway, we managed to break our way through the guards without much fighting. Namely because Mirela and Joel put on quite a show. The Templar have decided I'm the Antichrist and nothing can sway that belief, so we showed them what messing with that kind of thing entails.

I uhm...do think some of them might be too terrified to do much of anything beyond crying into their holy water for the next six months.

We rescued three people. Amaris got away. Long story, and the fault of the Templar. I think she'll stay hidden for a while.

I want to do that 'Year in Review' thing too. Lots of things happened to me this year. I even died.

( My Year )

So yeah. Mmmm. Hell of a year. It's depressing but I wanted to post it because after all of that, I'm okay. I'm still okay. And that's a big deal.

Adrian, please pardon me for saying this and understand I am not saying it lightly.

I went to see Razvan before we left and I am writing this in a humid hotel room while Caoilfhionn snores a few feet away. I do not believe that Razvan was the one to harm Mara, and if not because I don't think he is capable of that kind of thing anymore, than definitely because I don't think he would put in the effort required to keep up a charade. He was always a follower, not a leader. He's lazy.

I completely understand why he was put into isolation and obviously if I didn't I wouldn't have left him there. I told him to be patient, and he growled at me, but I think he understands. Yet another reason why I don't think he was responsible. He made no attempt to harm me when I told him I was leaving him there. He saw reason. And now I need to ask you if you are capable of something. Are you capable of seeing him and reading his intentions without harming him? I would have Rolf do it, but I trust him about as far as I could throw him and I know I am not alone in feeling that. I think you are the only person who's reading of him you would trust right now. Mara has been through a great deal and it stands to reason that she panicked when a demon entered her room. Any demon. And it may be that she was made to see things that were not real as well, and Anna told me the demon wore a mask. If you read Razvan's intentions and you still believe he is to blame, I cannot argue with that. I think you'll find he's convincing, however. Or I hope you will. I don't know how much good being detained when he hasn't done anything is going to do him.

If you don't feel you can do it, I understand. I just feel for him. It is my opinion that he has been unfortunately caught up in all this, even if it is all completely understandable.

As always, I love you and I will see you soon, my friend.

Mara's back. Has been a few days, I was just preoccupied. She's not talking about what happened, really. And she doesn't want to see anyone. But she's safe. And Renee is awake too and that is really good.

Hey, Babe.

My best friend is rushing off to rescue Amaris. Still don't know how I feel about that.

Thing is, I told him he wouldn't be going alone, but now I don't want to leave you alone. You know...until I have to. You want me here? William or Mary or several others can go instead of me. Just say the word.

I know where I have to go to save the demons and angels the Templar have in their custody.

Nova Prata.

There are some in other places close by, but most of them are there. Including Amaris. I'll be leaving in the morning.

Oh my GOD. I took Serenity to meet the parents because she's the only person who seems to be able to keep me calm and happy these days. It was just a casual thing and when Mum opened the door, nothing was strange. Until Father walked in and flipped out.

Apparently Serenity used to date him. My father. While he was married. Apparently she is the 'Serena' who broke my parents up.

What the FUCK do I do now?!